Pandas

A new joint project between China and the United States will use GPS satelites to monitor the movements of the Giant Panda in the wild. [Source]. Scientists believe they might be able to save the species from extinction by observing their sexual activities.

My problem is that I think this study on pandas is a waste. Pandas are a species that seems to have made all the wrong decisions in the game of life. Every decision that it made during its evolution is the reason for its slow extinction and I think we should let nature takes it course. If natural selection has chosen the Panda to finally become extinct, I think we should stop wasting tax dollars to save it. I'll explain.

Diet
Pandas made a bad choice for their diet. They eat bamboo. Bamboo creates many problems for the Panda. First, its hard to digest. Second, forests of it die off roughly every twenty years forcing Pandas to relocate, which typically causes starvation and death. Third, bamboo has such a low nutrtional value that pandas require eighty pounds of it ... daily. Its this reason that they spend fourteen hours a day eating. Imagine trying to live off of celery. How much would you need?

Reproduction
Pandas simply don't want to reproduce and populate their species, even in the wild. The female panda is only in heat for three days a year. Should they find a a male panda within this short time span and mate, their litters are typically only one or two cubs. Given their high infant mortality rate, the Panda population has a very low growth rate. Pandas are also very anti-social. They prefer to live alone. Living alone and away from other pandas further reduces their chances of mating.

Now, I would be foolish if I didn't mention loggers. The slow destruction of the pandas natural habitat by loggers has had a significant effect on the population of the Panda, but I disagree that this is the main reason for their population decline.

Animals that have a poor diet and don't reproduce do not deserve to be saved. Imagine the equivalent. I like to compare the Panda to the "Comic Book Guy" (CBG) on the Simpsons. CBG is obese, the result of a poor diet... probably from lots of Cheetos, Coke, and sitting around playing Magic. Secondly, he's anti-social. He hangs out in a comic book store, which is not exactly a haven for meeting girls. He obviously have more interest in comics than in the opposite sex. Do you see the correlation? But the point is, no one in Springfield is calling to save CBG and help him reproduce. He'll probably live a lonely life and die a virgin but no one cares because he made those choices himself. The same is with the panda.

This is why I'm against the United States using my tax dollars to fund this new project. I don't like the idea of helping an animal that doesn't want to help itself. Its like being a life insurance agency for the men that Anna Nicole Smith finds attractive. Its not gonna pan out.

You can now comment about how I'm selfish and insensitive.