April 28, 2006

Feeble

On April 5, 2006, The Onion posted a story about Bush, his regimen of prayer, and its results called Critics Blast Bush For Not Praying Hard Enough. Excerpt from the article:
President Bush, already facing the lowest approval ratings in history, is coming under fire from former supporters over what they call his "ineffectual and incompetent" use of prayer for national guidance and assistance.

Despite assurances from the president that he "prays every day" for the nation's interests both at home and abroad, the mounting crises of recent months---escalating gas prices, the botched Dubai port security deal, ethics scandals, and the rising death toll in Iraq---have left many unimpressed with the effectiveness of his devotion. [...]

While newly released portions of White House prayer logs show that Bush's praying has actually gone up in recent months, critics are seeking to subpoena the documents in their entirety to determine the strength of those prayers. [...]

Susan DiDomenico of the National Prayer Task Force said her organization is seeking "full disclosure" of any and all prayers Bush may have skipped or manipulated to seem more effective or holy.
So that brings up the question of God. Perhaps it is God's fault. With Bush saying that he prays hard, could it be that God just isn't listening? But that wouldn't make sense as Bush is supposedly the God-appointed savior President for us all. Could Bush have done something against God's wishes prior to 9/11 to anger him? Maybe it was the stolen election that Katherine Harris masterminded.

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Cheese

So my brother's friend, Mark, is graduating this semester from Western Michigan University with a bachelor's in Business Administration. Thats all fine and dandy but the point of the story is the gift that his parents are getting him. It's not a handshake or a frame for his diploma. It's not a new expensive laptop or even a car. Those gifts pale in comparison to the one he's getting.

His parents will be giving him a check for $225,000. Yes, that's not a typo. The soon to be pampered alumnus is getting close to a quarter mil. From what my brother said, his sister got the same thing when she graduated from Michigan State University a few years ago. She, like he is expected to do, bought a house with the money.

Must be nice.

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April 24, 2006

eBay

Is there someone in your life that you want to get a gift for so that they can truly know how you feel about them? If so, do you often find it hard to find that perfect gift?

Well, look no more. An item on eBay is up for auction that will without a doubt perfectly express how you feel about that special person in your life.

Here's the link

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April 23, 2006

Oprah

After catching a few minutes of Oprah on Friday where she attempted to get the audience to feel sorry for the heir to SC Johnson fortune and the granddaughter of billionaire Warren Buffet, my interest in writing about how much I hate Oprah resurfaced with a vengeance.

So, I googled "I hate Oprah" for some ideas that I could supplement my post with in case I forgot a few reasons for my hatred and I found a rant that was near perfect. Without question, my favorite line from it was I'm not saying that Oprah is Hitler or McCarthy - I'm saying she's both of them combined. Allow I generally discredit and disapprove of comparing anyone to Hitler because of Godwin's Law but I just couldn't pass this up. Enjoy.
I Hate Oprah
by: Brandon [Last name unknown]

I think a lot of people would beat around the bush with this one, so I am just going to come out and say it: I hate Oprah Winfrey. Maybe hate isn't exactly the right word, but somehow I would feel like less of a man admitting to the whole world that I am afraid of an aging, perpetually dieting, vegetarian talk show host. In reality, we should all be afraid.

Oprah Winfrey is a modern demagogue. She's like the soccer mom's Mussolini, prescribing what to wear, what to read, who to vote for, and even what to eat. The truth is, I just don't think that I, nor anyone else, really comprehend the limits of her power. And just think, ten years ago she was nothing more than the female equivalent of Geraldo Rivera - make that two Geraldo Rivera's. Or maybe she just ate Geraldo Rivera - it doesn't really make a difference. Oprah's rapid climb from talk show host to saint can go unnoticed no more. I volunteer to take the rap. I will accept the hate mail. I will shoulder the anger of thirty million women in the United States. I will do whatever it takes to get the word out: "I hate Oprah and you should too!"

Let's consider some of the facts. Okay, some approximations of the facts, but you'll get the idea. Nobel prize winning authors usually see their publication increase in the hundreds of thousands, at most, after winning the prize. However, if an author gets his or her book on Oprah's book list, he is guaranteed a spot on the New York Times' best-seller list. She is neither a respected author nor a respected literary critic, but Oprah speaks and millions read. And it seems like a simple observation, but when you consider the historical influence of what we read, the social ramifications of Oprah's guidance become clearer. During the Red Scare, people were branded communists based on what they read, and Hitler recognized the power of literature and focused much of the Nazi effort on censorship; so clearly, at least according to history, what people read has an effect on their social and political views. I'm not saying that Oprah is Hitler or McCarthy - I'm saying she's both of them combined.

Really, everyone has to recognize the power that Oprah wields over one of the most powerful voting blocs in the United States. For soccer moms, Oprah is Buddha and Jerry Springer all wrapped into one; she entertains, but at the same time she remains focused on the salvation of the soul. Everyday, hordes of women gather around the tele-pulpit and pray to the gods of Oprahism, people like Kevin Aucoin and Cindy Crawford, contemporary dieticians and designers; all capitalists posing as prophets on Oprah's multi-national stage.

No matter who you are, Oprah is not like you. The fact that she can convince you that she is should make you even more afraid of her than I am. I'll probably have my legs broken by angry mobs of women sent by Harpo Productions tomorrow, but today, I hate Oprah…and I'm sticking to that.
As great as I think the rant is, I think it clearly omits two of my prized reasons for hating Oprah (although the piece may have been written before both events). The first is the whole deal with Oprah giving away Pontiac G6s to everyone in her audience. She made no attempt to explain that she had not purchased them or that GM had donated them. So afterward, every soccer mom in the nation was talking about how great Oprah was for giving away the cars. She didn't give people shit.

Number two is the whole James Frey debacle. She invited on the show to explain the fiasco but all she did was publicly condemn him. Her purpose, as South Park recently outlined, was to fix her image. The fiasco had made her look bad because she recommended a book that was fluffed which according to many, made the book better.

Ugh. All I can say is "Oh, Minge!"

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Jungleland

Depressed Writer has written a fictional piece called Jungleland that I recommend everyone read. It's truly, in my opinion, a great story.

But, of course you're going to ask the question, "Do I really want to read a 20 page paper... I don't know if I'll like it." Well allow me to help. Do you like stories with drug use, Bruce Springsteen references, gratuitous sex scenes, the game of spin the bottle, the horror that is New Jersey, and shit getting blown up? If the answer to every question was a resounding "Hell yes I do" then the story is for you.Enjoy.

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April 22, 2006

Funeral

From YouTube, a video on the demise of Apple's old operating system, Mac OS 9. Apparently with the introduction of Mac OS X (pronounced ten, not x), they held a funeral for the shitty, crappy operating system.



I think burning a copy of the software would have been more fitting. Without Mac OS 9's demise, I never would have bought my Powerbook.

I guess nerds do have at least a sliver of humor in them. Too bad Steve Jobs can't figure out that wearing black turtlenecks everyday is not a good thing.

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Spaghetti

From Uncrate, "a web magazine for guys who love stuff," comes a piece about a new sort of bible.
If you think your religion has some crazy ideas, you haven't seen anything yet. The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster ($11) is the accompanying guide to the new parody religion — born out of last year's battle between advocates of evolution and intelligent design — that worships a supernatural entity resembling spaghetti and meatballs.


Followers of the FSM, called Pastafarians, believe that pirates control global warming and natural disasters, that superstition trumps science no matter what, and that the FSM hid dinosaur fossils underground to dupe mankind. Oh yeah, and heaven has a stripper factory and a beer volcano.
You can check out the Church of the Flying Spaghetti's website here. Just like Maddox's site, one of the best parts of the site is the hate mail section.

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Methane

Here's an interesting piece from GM's new FYI Blog about how they are reducing their consumption of natural gas.
One Man's Garbage is ...

Sharon Morton
GM Communications

You’d be surprised at what you can find in a great, big pile of garbage. Yeah, there’s all the usual stuff that we throw away on a daily basis. But, this garbage is actually producing enough energy to help power seven of GM’s facilities.

We are the largest direct, corporate user of landfill gas in the United States. Landfill gas is generated by rotting garbage in landfills. Our decision to use it as an energy source is a win-win situation. It’s good for the environment and also is a good business decision.

If unused, landfill gas is a waste product that is released at the landfill, which contributes to greenhouse gas emissions. At our facilities, the landfill gas is piped to the plant and combusted in boilers, providing a cost-effective, renewable energy source.

Landfill gas is an important part of our renewable energy portfolio. In fact, we are one of the leading users of renewable energy in the manufacturing sector in North America. Using renewable resources reduces our reliance on fossil fuels like coal and oil.

General Motors has reduced its natural gas consumption by 21 percent since 2000 and is expected to achieve its goal of a 25 percent energy reduction by the end of 2006.

The sum of landfill gas capacity at the seven GM operations using the fuel is equivalent to the energy needed to heat over 25,000 households, which represents about 1.6 trillion BTUs per year. Each landfill gas installation at a GM plant generates annual savings of greater than $500,000.

GM facilities using landfill gas are: assembly plants located in Orion Township, Mich.; Oklahoma City, Okla.; Fort Wayne, Ind.; Shreveport, La.; and a powertrain plant located in Toledo, Ohio. Two additional warehouse sites in Grand Blanc and Flint, Mich., utilize landfill gas by purchasing 13 million kilowatt-hours of electricity annually, which is generated from a landfill gas-to-electricity program.

So, in other words, the garbage you throw out today might be used to help build your next vehicle.
It's quite interesting to me considering I'm from Orion Township where one of the plants is. They build Epsilon platform cars like the Chevrolet Malibu and Pontiac G6 at this plant. I'm assuming they are piping the methane from the Waste Management landfill about a half mile or less away. I wonder if the other six plants are located near landfills as well.

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April 20, 2006

Forsaken

Dear Pineapples,

Why have you forsaken and abandoned me? Day after day now, I sit unused and alone in the driveway, hundreds of miles from you and I don't understand why. Do you not love me anymore? I still love you and I don't want this to be the end of our relationship. Do you not remember all the good times we've had together?

I know I'm not perfect. I know that I have my rusty spots and my engine needed rebuilt before but you stood by me then, so why leave now? I think I know the answer. You found that cheap floozy, Pontiac G6. She doesn't know what's right for you. She's only going to hurt you in the end. Don't you know that? I'm the only one that truly loves you. It's not right Pineapples.

You know what? You're not perfect either, but I still love you. You wrecklessly drive me. You're always late with changing my oil. You never wash me. Just look at me:


How can you sit back and say that you treated me with the respect that I deserve? You know you didn't. Look at that rust and dammit, I'm not in SAE so why do you still have that sticker on me. Look at my rims. Why can't you just once clean off the brake dust once in awhile? I wish I could quit you Pineapples.

I've talked with my lawyers and they agree that I should go ahead and file the necessary paperwork to become emancipated. If you are not going to come back, I need to move on with my life. I can't sit back and let you do this to me. I need to find someone who loves me for me and won't abandon me when some whore comes around. Yes, I'm calling Miss G6 a whore. She stole you away from me, she's a dirty whore.

But, I can't lie. You will forever hold a special place in my heart Pineapples. We can still work this out. We can still rekindle the magic we once had. All you have to do is try. I miss you.

Sincerely,
Jimmy

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April 19, 2006

Immigration

Credit to Corrigan for posting a little bit of satire regarding illegal immigration. Enjoy.
Dear President Bush:

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws my grandparents were required to obey when they came to America from Europe 95 years or so ago. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here.

So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
    1. Free medical care for my entire family.
    2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
    3. All government forms need to be printed in English.
    4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.
    5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.
    6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flyin lower down.
    7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
    8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
    9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.
    10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.
    11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
    12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.
    13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. Thank you so much for your kind help.

Sincerely,
An accepting, tolerant, but concerned, American citizen who is proud to be the grandchild of legal immigrants.
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April 13, 2006

Horowitz

Dennis and I went and saw David Horowitz speak tonight at the Alumni Hall in Penn State's Hub-Robeson Center. He was there, as a guest of the College Republicans to promote his book, The Professors: The 101 Most Dangerous Academics in America. I have previously opined on the book here so I intend to focus on the speech tonight. I just want to say that unlike a lot of liberals in the crowd, I tried to attend the event with an open mind and not condemn everything he said.

Allegiance
The event started off with an introduction by the president of the College Republicans for Horowitz. The interesting part is that at the end of the introduction while standing in front of a sign that said "College Republicans: Support America" the president asked the attendees to stand and pledge allegiance to the flag (mind you, there was no flag present). I found it funny. Hitler often required people to take loyalty pledges too. I remained seated, even as Dennis stood. I guess I hate America.

Theory
Horowitz begun by explaining that there is an overwhelming number of liberal professors in academia. He told the crowd that according to a study by Berkeley and Stanford that the ratio of liberal to conservative professors is between 7 and 9 to 1. Interesting thought, considering that one of the two Penn State professors he attacked has declared that he's a libertarian. Anyway, the idea that liberals outnumber conservatives in academia is no shock to me. Especially in the liberal arts.

He then theorized why liberals outnumbered conservatives. In his opinion, those who opposed the Vietnam War (liberals) decided to avoid the draft with a 2S deferment and stayed in school, earning their bachelors, masters, and ph.d. Come thirty years later, conservatives are a rare breed. It's an interesting take and actually sounds plausible.

Liberal Arts
Throughout the hour long speech, he railed against the liberal arts and their liberal professors and the ideology that these professors bring to their classes. But, what do you expect from the liberal arts? Of course, professors in the liberal arts are going liberals. Maybe I'm wrong here but isn't the Business School full of mostly conservatives? If so, wouldn't it be slightly hypocritical to omit this.

He frequently attacked sociology professors. Demanding that they should teach "both sides" of the argument. Repeatedly, he questioned the sociological idea that our society has social, economic, and racial classes. Whether or not it is true, I don't know. I have no background in the topic but as an english major, neither is he.

Double Standards
Horowitz went on attack against liberal professors. Citing examples where universities had hired professors who had been in jail and had been involved in illegal activities. He also complained about liberal professors who voiced their political opinions in public and on their personal websites like Penn State's Richards and Berube. But, here's the key point, he defended Ward Churchill. I also defended Churchill, but this is a double standard to only defend professors who speak out "in public" but not defend other professors right to free speech.

Ideology
He ranted and railed against liberals who brought their political viewpoints into their classes. Even in my engineering classes, I've seen politics in the classroom. And, in the liberal arts classes, it was even more pronounced. A few years ago I took Comparitive Literature 100, a class on sex, race and gender issues. As you can imagine, I was one of very few men in the class. It was mainly full of minorities and feminists but you know what? I expected that. Hell, even the professors last name was Castro. Although at the time, I wasn't political, I did feel that most of my opinions were unwanted. But, here's the key -- my opinions were not unwanted by the professor but rather by my fellow students. This is the key difference between the reality and what Horowitz rants about.

Effect
On some level, I think Horowitz is right. I do believe that some professors bring their politics to class but especially in liberal arts classes, I want their opinion. I, like him, just don't want them to demand they are right and as I've experienced, this hasn't happened to me. One of my engineering professors makes cracks about Bush and talks about how everyone should drive hybrids, but what is the effect? Is the system truly "hurting our children?" Is it truly indoctrinating the students? I truly don't think so. I, like most of my fellow students, have active functional brains and we have the ability to think for ourselves. We have the ability to hear a professor's biased political opinion and come out unscathed. So, although Horowitz may be correct that academia has a liberal bias, I don't see the problem. Our country is on a conservative kick and this society was educated by liberal academic institutions. So where is the problem Mr. Horowitz?

Attacks
Horowitz made some good points but he did many things that affected his message. Repeatedly, he went off-topic ranting about McCarthyism and Stalinists, and the horrible communists. Why is it that neo-conservatives always have to bring up McCarthy and defend him. Sure, I do believe that there were communists in the government but here's the difference --- I don't care. Those communists were allowed by law to be communists. They had the fundamental right guaranteed by our constitution to be communists. Horowitz also attacked people who asked questions. Much like Ann Coulter, he called people in the crowd idiots and said they were unable to hold a debate, even though he wouldn't actually answer some questions. Even if he believed that and even it was true, calling your audience idiots is no way to get your point across. The biggest detraction for him of the night was how he went on a rant against Paul Robeson (the man who the building is named after), calling him a traitor and a communist. He may have been, I don't know, but thats off-topic and only incites the people who disagree with you. He should have stuck to the topic and refrained from taking pot-shots.

Liberals
If I got anything about this event, it was that I fucking hate liberals. Don't get me wrong, I hate conservatives too, but I really hate liberals. Liberals in the audience boo'ed and interrupted Horowitz throughout the entire event. Disgraceful. You came to hear the man speak, so let him speak.

Conclusion
I'm glad I went to the event. Although he made horrible mistakes in getting his message across, some things got through and he raised some great points and questions. Although I still think he's a horrible debater (as the question and answer period proved where he called everyone idiots), he did provide some information that was insightful. I just wish he would have stuck to the topic and refrained from making lame attacks on people that were unnecessary and didn't make accusations that clearly contained double standards and hypocritical omissions.

In any event, I agree that liberals outnumber conservatives, at least at Penn State but I don't care. Professors that crack Bush jokes and slip in liberal opinions have no effect on me. Conservatives truly need to stop worring "about the children."

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April 10, 2006

Jackass

Wyclef is a jackass and must live under a rock. In Shakira's latest song, "Hips Don't Lie," he continually says throughout the song:
    I never really knew you could dance like this
Um... have you never seen any of her videos? I mean she does look ridiculously hot in this one, but come on... she shakes her gorgeous hips and ass and incredible hot abs in this one just as well as every other video she has.

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Ouch

Yeah, I did this at work on Saturday morning. Holding a knife in my right hand, and an avocado in the left, I attempted to core the avocado. Except that the core was small and had gone bad, so the knife went through it and about a 1/4" into my hand. Two hours and five stiches later:


It actually didn't hurt at the time and doesn't now. In fact, the only thing that does hurt is my arm, from the Tetanus shot I had to get. Next time, I say bring on the lockjaw.

UPDATE: No, they didn't give me any fun pain medications. Why? Because I don't need them. I haven't even taken a single Tylenol. Stop asking.

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April 07, 2006

Google

I just thought it was time for a good ole Google Bomb. From Wikipedia:
A Google bomb or Google washer is a certain attempt to influence the ranking of a given page in results returned by the Google search engine, often with humorous intentions. Due to the way that Google's PageRank algorithm works, a page will be ranked higher if the sites that link to that page all use consistent anchor text. A Google bomb is created if a large number of sites link to the page in this manner. Google bomb is used both as a verb and a noun.
So copy the link and post it on yours.

I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame
I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame I Love Notre Dame


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April 04, 2006

Crush

The Pet Shop Boys have released a new political pop song about Tony Blair's gay relationship with George W. Bush called I'm with Stupid. Can you guess which one the stupid one is? If you said Tony Blair, then you're the stupid one. You can listen to the song on their site. Here are the lyrics:
I'm with Stupid

Oh-oh, I'm with Stupid
Oh-oh, I'm with Stupid

See you on the TV
Call you every day
Fly across the ocean
Just to let you get your way
No one understands me
Where I'm coming from
Why would I be with someone
who's obviously so dumb?
Love comes
Love grows
every time you rise to meet me
take my hand to greet me
Love comes
Love grows
and power can give a man
much more than anybody knows

Oh-oh, I'm with Stupid
Oh-oh, I'm with Stupid
Oh-oh, I'm with Stupid
Oh-oh, I'm with Stupid

Before we ever met
I thought like everybody did
you were just a moron
a billion-dollar kid
You flew up all the way
like a hawk chasing a dove
I never thought that I would be
a sacrifice in love
It comes
It grows
and now we're tied together
everybody knows

Oh-oh, I'm with Stupid
Oh-oh, I'm with Stupid
Oh-oh, I'm with Stupid
Oh-oh, I'm with Stupid

Is stupid really stupid
or a different kind of smart?
Do we really have a relationship
so special in your heart?

Oh-oh, I'm with Stupid
Oh-oh, I'm with Stupid

I have to ask myself
like any lover might:
Have you made a fool of me?
Are you not Mr Right?
You grin
I pose
It's not about sincerity
Everybody knows

Oh-oh, I'm with Stupid
Oh-oh, I'm with Stupid
Oh-oh, I'm with Stupid
Oh-oh, I'm with Stupid

Is stupid really stupid
or a different kind of smart?
That's how you stole my heart
I'm with Stupid

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April 02, 2006

Inferno

It's 4:30 AM in State College and I'm laying in bed and all I keep hearing is people screaming outside. Then I hear a police car intermixed with the screams and so I thought it was just a fight outside. There's a house near mine that is always having giant parties so I figure its from them. Then I catch a few occurrence's of "oh my god" and hear more police cars showing up and decide to look out my window. Well, I was correct about which house it was (on the corner of Sparks & College) but wrong about the situation as you can see.







What has happened to this town lately? Two murders, bad cocaine deals going on and now this. I hope everyone was alright.

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