Victory Lap

I'm returning to Penn State this fall after a year's absence. I can't wait to return. I was worried that I wouldn't know anyone when I go back because most of my friends have graduated and moved away. Luckily, I found out that my friend, Gina, will be there this fall. We were talking Friday night and somehow we got onto the topic of things we want to do before we graduate. We decided that we'd make a list, plan the events out, and slowly check them off as they're completed to insure that we finish all of them. Here's the list:

#	Item	Dave	Gina
1.	Beer Bong	X	X
2.	Attend Arts Fest	X	X
3.	Boxed Wine Race
4.	Case Race	X
5.	Sex in the Stacks		X
6.	Hike Mt. Nittany	X
7.	Eat Peachy Paterno	X
8.	See the Mifflin Streak	X
9.	Attend a protest	X
10.	See an away game	X
11.	Drink at every bar in town	X
12.	Waffle Shop	X
13.	Tailgate	X	X
14.	Attend a riot	X
15.	Hook up with a freshman, as a senior	X	X
16.	Get your car towed	X	X
17.	Play Volleyball at East
18.	Ride on a homecoming float	X
19.	Dance at THON	X	X
20.	Attend Frat/Sorority formal	X	X
21.	Afternoon Tea @ Cafe 210	X
22.	Get kicked out of a bar	X	X
23.	Skip a class	X	X
24.	Crossword puzzle T-Shirt
25.	Meet Joe Paterno		X
26.	Pregame for class	X
27.	Walk of Shame	X	X
28.	Art Museum		X
29.	All Sports Musuem	X
30.	Night of random parties	X
31.	Tour Old Main	X	X
32.	Feed a squirrel	X
33.	Keg Stand	X
34.	Attend Distinguished Speaker series		X
35.	See JR & [insert current partner]	X	X
36.	Bar Tour	X	X
37.	Join a random RV party	X
38.	Graduate	X	X

I'm sure the list is missing some important items. Does anybody have any suggestions that we need to add to the list?

Idaho

I always liked Idaho. I don't know why exactly. Perhaps it was because I'm Irish and love potatoes. Recently, I was given another reason to love Gem State. The state's House of Representatives and Senate passed a resolution included the phrase "Freakin' Idiots" and even mentioned a llama named Tina. Here's the resolution:

IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

HOUSE CONCURRENT RESOLUTION NO. 29

BY WAYS AND MEANS COMMITTEE

A CONCURRENT RESOLUTION STATING LEGISLATIVE FINDINGS AND COMMENDING JARED AND JERUSHA HESS AND THE CITY OF PRESTON FOR THE PRODUCTION OF THE MOVIE "NAPOLEON DYNAMITE."

Be It Resolved by the Legislature of the State of Idaho:
WHEREAS, the State of Idaho recognizes the vision, talent and creativity of Jared and Jerusha Hess in the writing and production of "Napoleon Dynamite"; and

WHEREAS, the scenic and beautiful City of Preston, County of Franklin and the State of Idaho are experiencing increased tourism and economic growth; and

WHEREAS, filmmaker Jared Hess is a native Idahoan who was educated in the Idaho public school system; and

WHEREAS, the Preston High School administration and staff, particularly the cafeteria staff, have enjoyed notoriety and worldwide attention; and

WHEREAS, tater tots figure prominently in this film thus promoting Idaho's most famous export; and

WHEREAS, the friendship between Napoleon and Pedro has furthered multiethnic relationships; and

WHEREAS, Uncle Rico's football skills are a testament to Idaho athletics; and

WHEREAS, Napoleon's bicycle and Kip's skateboard promote better air quality and carpooling as alternatives to fuel-dependent methods of transportation; and

WHEREAS, Grandma's trip to the St. Anthony Sand Dunes highlights a longhonored Idaho vacation destination; and

WHEREAS, Rico and Kip's Tupperware sales and Deb's keychains and glamour 26 shots promote entrepreneurism and self-sufficiency in Idaho's small towns; and

WHEREAS, Napoleon's artistic rendition of Trisha is an example of the importance of the visual arts in K-12 education; and

WHEREAS, the schoolwide Preston High School student body elections foster an awareness in Idaho's youth of public service and civic duty; and

WHEREAS, the "Happy Hands" club and the requirement that candidates for school president present a skit is an example of the importance of theater arts in K-12 education; and

WHEREAS, Pedro's efforts to bake a cake for Summer illustrate the positive connection between culinary skills to lifelong relationships; and

WHEREAS, Kip's relationship with LaFawnduh is a tribute to e-commerce and Idaho's technology-driven industry; and

WHEREAS, Kip and LaFawnduh's wedding shows Idaho's commitment to healthy marriages; and

WHEREAS, the prevalence of cooked steak as a primary food group pays tribute to Idaho's beef industry; and

WHEREAS, Napoleon's tether-ball dexterity emphasizes the importance of physical education in Idaho public schools; and

WHEREAS, Tina the llama, the chickens with large talons, the 4-H milk cows, and the Honeymoon Stallion showcase Idaho's animal husbandry; and

WHEREAS, any members of the House of Representatives or the Senate of the Legislature of the State of Idaho who choose to vote "Nay" on this concurrent resolution are "FREAKIN' IDIOTS!" and run the risk of having the "Worst Day ofTheir Lives!"

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED by the members of the First Regular Session of the Fifty-eighth Idaho Legislature, the House of Representatives and the Senate concurring therein, that we commend Jared and Jerusha Hess and the City of Preston for showcasing the positive aspects of Idaho's youth, rural culture, education system, athletics, economic prosperity and diversity.

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that we, the members of the House of Representatives and the Senate of the State of Idaho, advocate always following your heart, and thus we eagerly await the next cinematic undertaking of Idaho's Hess family.

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the Chief Clerk of the House of Representatives be, and she is hereby authorized and directed to forward a copy of this resolution to Jared and Jerusha Hess, the Mayor of the City of Preston and the Principal of Preston High School.

I was somewhat disappointed to not see any reference the "secret ninja moves from the government", but I suppose it is still confidential information on a need to know basis.

Top Ten

Top Ten Ways George Bush Can Regain His Popularity
From the "Late Show With David Letterman":

10. Dip into social security fund to give every American free HBO
9. Use diplomacy to bring peace to Brad, Jen and Angelina
8. Try fixing Iraq, creating some jobs, reducing the deficit and maybe capturing Osama
7. Figure out a way for the Yankees to win a game
6. Replace his "country simpleton" persona with more lovable "hillbilly idiot" image
5. Use weekly radio address to give Americans a Van Halen twofer
4. Get Saddam to switch to boxers
3. Ditch the librarian and make Eva Longoria First Lady
2. Resign
1. Jump on Oprah's couch while professing his love for Katie Holmes

Confessions of a man

I had a conversation with an anonymous friend today that just needed to be posted. It strikes down the core of a male's rationale, in regards to women and getting laid.

Me:    so do you like this chick or just want to nail her a lot
Him:  havnt decided yet
Me:    ah
Him:  she seems to have some issues
Me:    like?
Him:  but a good fuck...so i'm torn
Me:    hahaha

Doing my part to stop Ashlee Simpson

I recently decided to join in and do my part to stop Ashlee Simpson. Why, you may ask, would I do such a thing? Well, if you need to ask that question, you're are far too stupid to comprehend the reasons I have. How, you may ask, did I do my part? Well thats simple. I signed the petition. An 18 year old girl started a petition at StopAshee.com and it has grown in popularity by leaps and bounds. Sadly, I read about it in an issue of People Magazine. The petition states:

To: Geffen/DGC Records & JT Simpson Entertainment
We, the undersigned, are disgusted with Ashlee Simpson's horrible singing and hereby ask her to stop. Stop recording, touring, modeling and performing. We do not wish to see her again. She cannot match the sound of her voice that can be found on her CDs, when she sings live. She simply yells the words (sometimes the wrong ones) into the mic. We are so sickened by her "performing" that we are taking this opportunity to demand that she stop.

Sincerely, The Undersigned

According to the website, I am the 388,175th person to sign the petition. Please help us to rid ourselves of Ashlee Simpson. Stand up, join in, and do your part to stop her before she does anymore harm.

Marijuana illegalized once again

The Supreme Court ruled on Monday that state laws do not protect medicinal marijuana users from federal prosecution. Eleven states allow for doctors to prescribe marijuana as a pain killer for certain debilitating illnesses. Patients were permitted to possess and grow the drug for personal use. Now, the Supreme Court has come in and negated the current laws within these states.

Let me see if I can pick out the top five reasons for this activism:

• Keep the religious right happy
• The ever popular "we must protect our children"
• Dumb fucks who believe the government propaganda of the cult film, Reefer Madness
• Continue to erode civil liberaties and personal freedoms, just because you don't happen to enjoy the acts
• Keep our prisons full of lower class males in order to keep the Prison industry happy

It is currently unclear as to how much of an impact this ruling will have on the state laws, but I'm not optimistic. It continues our countries trend away from the "land of the free" and towards the "land of the regulated, heavily." As other countries are slowing de-illegalizing the drug, our government is strengthing its laws. Most likely so we can save the children. Fucking bullshit.