Kanye

Has anyone heard the parody for Kanye West's "Golddigger" about George Bush? Its parodies when Kanye said "George Bush doesn't care about black people" on television during a Hurricane Katrina telethon. Its absolutely hilarious. You can listen to the parody here.

Clooney

Every once in awhile, a movie comes along that I'm just itching to see and this is one of them. I saw the trailer for "Good Night, And Good Luck" when George Clooney was on the Daily Show promoting it and I was hooked. Here's the synopsis from its website:

"Good Night, And Good Luck." takes place during the early days of broadcast journalism in 1950's America. It chronicles the real-life conflict between television newsman Edward R. Murrow and Senator Joseph McCarthy and the Permanent Sub-committee on Investigations (Government Operations Committee). With a desire to report the facts and enlighten the public, Murrow, and his dedicated staff - headed by his producer Fred Friendly and Joe Wershba in the CBS newsroom - defy corporate and sponsorship pressures to examine the lies and scaremongering tactics perpetrated by McCarthy during his communist 'witch-hunts'. A very public feud develops when the Senator responds by accusing the anchor of being a communist. In this climate of fear and reprisal, the CBS crew carries on and their tenacity will prove historic and monumental.

Check out the full trailer here. The movie topic reminds of the time period we are currently in, where the government has tried to reduce our personal freedoms and liberties in the hope of erradicating communism, oops I mean terrorism and to increasing our safety. Clooney made the same type of remarks during the interview with Jon Stewart. Check it out, I definitely will be. It'll be at theatres starting October 7th.

Pandas

A new joint project between China and the United States will use GPS satelites to monitor the movements of the Giant Panda in the wild. [Source]. Scientists believe they might be able to save the species from extinction by observing their sexual activities.

My problem is that I think this study on pandas is a waste. Pandas are a species that seems to have made all the wrong decisions in the game of life. Every decision that it made during its evolution is the reason for its slow extinction and I think we should let nature takes it course. If natural selection has chosen the Panda to finally become extinct, I think we should stop wasting tax dollars to save it. I'll explain.

Diet
Pandas made a bad choice for their diet. They eat bamboo. Bamboo creates many problems for the Panda. First, its hard to digest. Second, forests of it die off roughly every twenty years forcing Pandas to relocate, which typically causes starvation and death. Third, bamboo has such a low nutrtional value that pandas require eighty pounds of it ... daily. Its this reason that they spend fourteen hours a day eating. Imagine trying to live off of celery. How much would you need?

Reproduction
Pandas simply don't want to reproduce and populate their species, even in the wild. The female panda is only in heat for three days a year. Should they find a a male panda within this short time span and mate, their litters are typically only one or two cubs. Given their high infant mortality rate, the Panda population has a very low growth rate. Pandas are also very anti-social. They prefer to live alone. Living alone and away from other pandas further reduces their chances of mating.

Now, I would be foolish if I didn't mention loggers. The slow destruction of the pandas natural habitat by loggers has had a significant effect on the population of the Panda, but I disagree that this is the main reason for their population decline.

Animals that have a poor diet and don't reproduce do not deserve to be saved. Imagine the equivalent. I like to compare the Panda to the "Comic Book Guy" (CBG) on the Simpsons. CBG is obese, the result of a poor diet... probably from lots of Cheetos, Coke, and sitting around playing Magic. Secondly, he's anti-social. He hangs out in a comic book store, which is not exactly a haven for meeting girls. He obviously have more interest in comics than in the opposite sex. Do you see the correlation? But the point is, no one in Springfield is calling to save CBG and help him reproduce. He'll probably live a lonely life and die a virgin but no one cares because he made those choices himself. The same is with the panda.

This is why I'm against the United States using my tax dollars to fund this new project. I don't like the idea of helping an animal that doesn't want to help itself. Its like being a life insurance agency for the men that Anna Nicole Smith finds attractive. Its not gonna pan out.

You can now comment about how I'm selfish and insensitive.

Girls

I met a gorgeous, personable woman at a party on Friday night. We played some beer pong, had a good conversation, and generally enjoyed meeting each other. Then, before I could even ask she says: "you need to get my number." Astonished and excited by her courage, I of course got her number.

The next two days, I kept thinking about her and deciding on what I'd say to her when I would call her. What would I say? What small talk would I make? What type of date would I set up? Would I suggest seeing a movie, getting a cup of coffee, or maybe meeting for lunch? I finally figured it out and the common three day waiting period was up and I was psyched to give her a call.

Then of course, my nerves got the best of me. I got nervous, anxious, and started to question my judgement. Should I really call? Is meeting for lunch really a good idea? Did I wait too long to call? Would she even want to meet up with me? You know, all the typical bullshit neurosis.

Then I finally grew a set of balls and called her. The result you ask? Here's the conversation:

Dave:       Rachel?
Rachel:   Yes?
Dave:       Hi, its Dave. We met on Friday night.
Rachel:   Uhh... where did me meet?
Dave:       We met at Beaver Hill.
Rachel:   Oh right
Dave:       Well, I glad you remember me (slight awkward chuckle). So how are you?
Rachel:   I'm good, how are you?
Dave:       Oh, I'm doing well... so did your friends have a good time up here at Penn State?
Rachel:   Yeah they did.
Dave:       Great. So, the reason I called... I was wondering if you wanted to get together sometime?
Rachel:   Umm, I actually have a boyfriend.
Dave:       You do? Well thats interesting.
Rachel:   Yeah...
Dave:       Um, alright. I guess I'll talk to you later.
Rachel:   Yeah.
Dave:       Bye.
Rachel:   Bye.

Interesting, isn't it? Seriously though, what the hell? First off, why would she give out her number if she had a boyfriend? Secondly, if she lied about having a boyfriend and was using it simply as an excuse to not go out with me, why would she be giving out her number to me? Neither possible explanation makes any sense. The only exception is that she's a lunatic and enjoys torturing men. But then again, even that doesn't make sense. She seemed to feel as awkward on the telephone as I did.

Girls, I'll never understand them.

Genius

Every once in a while, I come across an idea so good and completely obvious I wonder why it didn't happen sooner. Yesterday was one of those days.

This past summer GM, Ford, and DaimlerChrysler have been using their "Employee Discount" promotion to ring in sales during this bear market and the promotion worked fantastically. The Big Three were able to use the promotion to sell SUVs, their golden nugget so to speak, even amidst rising gas costs. Now, with gas prices over three dollars a gallon, people are even more reserved about buying new SUVs. Enter the Mitsubishi Motors Corporation.

Instead of continuing the trend of employee discounts or hyping hybrid cars (which they don't have), they developed a ploy that, during this time of ridiculous gas prices, is pure genius. The promotion:

Free year of gas with every new Mitsubishi vehicle

When I saw the ad, I nearly choked on my beverage. I automatically envied the brilliant person who thought this clever trick up. Everyone is worried about gas mileage and rising fuel costs and what better way to eradicate those woes? Free Gas! I love it.

Unfortunately, like every promotion, there are limitations and drawbacks. Buyers are given a pre-paid debit card worth between $1,500 and $2,500, depending on the vehicle. Additionally, at current gas prices, the deal doesn't realistically work. Here's how my math breaks down. Lets say the average car has a twenty gallon tank and only fills up once a week. Twenty gallons at three dollars a gallon for fifty-two weeks comes to: $3,120. Now if gas prices go down everything is alright, but not if they continue to rise to levels currently seen in Europe ($6 a gallon). To their defense, the deal does work using their math. The debit card is supposedly sufficient for 12,000 miles driven to the EPA fuel efficiency ratings on each car, but I don't know many people who drive only 12,000 miles a year let alone at the EPA fuel efficiency rates.

In any event, I think this promotion is pure genius because on the surface, it eases the worry about gas and an eased mind is priceless to many, including myself. I think whoever came up with it deserves a raise. Here's to you Mitsubishi. I hope it works.

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